Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I just cut my nipple shaving
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
