she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize