so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
