She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
