I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Maybe he injected his testicle?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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