he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
