So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
