So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
