Your mouth is God's brothel.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Randomize
