i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
