yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
