why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Drake has all the answers
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
