Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
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