i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize