I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
