I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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