My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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