I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
