FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
