It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
