WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
