So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
