My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
