why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
