if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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