I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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