Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
