Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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