Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
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