I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
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