you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
