just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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