I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
