Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
