There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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