Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
