I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I am mentally ready for anal.
God I need to hump something, right now.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
