I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
ttyl tear gas
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Never joke about your clitoris.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
