Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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