so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
