ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
where are you?
Hypothermia
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
