How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
His hands were made for my vagina.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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