oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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