i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
