everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
My vagina is very pro this idea
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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