Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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