New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
