dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
