I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
