our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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