That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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