Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
