Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
