I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
