can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
