i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
