and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
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