If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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