I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
