I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize