Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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