He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
