Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
