We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
What a dumb baby whore.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
