so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
