forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
