You're my little dorito
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
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