thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
