I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
