so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize