nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
the day after is always just damage control
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
