worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
