I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
