Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
