Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Randomize
