she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
