I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
