So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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