I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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